For nearly one thousand years, man believed that space was a vacuum where nothing could survive the cold, airless environment. Only in the year 3287 AEM (after our Lord Elon Musk’s death) did the scientists of the oldest space colony, Neptune, find evidence that this entire time, space was, in fact, a thriving and writhing environment.
Read MoreFarming is the horniest profession. The people of the land? Are people of the hand job. Farmers pinch cow nipples, fondle eggs still warm from chicken coochie, press seeds into the moistness of soil and water them with spectacular, ejaculatory sprays.
Read MoreThe popular plant lover stories written by Lina Piskernik will finally take a less ephemeral and more solid form as a zine!
Read More“Well, the plants, they talk. Don’t you hear them?” She asked Jamie, and Jamie stayed silent because she talked to the cherry tree and the lavender bush plenty, but never heard anything back besides a rustling of leaves or the buzzing of bees.
Read MoreBesides the strange dreams, there really was no indication for Nathan to send himself bizarre one sentence messages and he did not have a roommate, so this couldn’t be a prank. Additionally, if he really was sleep-walking last night, wouldn’t he have sent himself messages about Carol Baskins feeding her husband to the tigers? It didn’t make sense.
Read MoreShe was ecstatic when she was offered this job. Finally, a position that completely aligned with her values as a human rights protector. Her years of unpaid work had finally been compensated. At last, the emptiness, the gaping vacuum, that she would feel at the centre of her chest most nights before dozing off to sleep, would be filled. A rewarding job! What more could she want?
Read MoreHe picked me up while we were both riding the 1-train uptown. I had been forgotten by a girl who drank too many bottomless mimosas at a drag queen brunch somewhere in Hell’s Kitchen. Apparently, a friend of hers thought I would be a nice birthday gift but had not counted on the birthday girl blacking out on public transport and leaving me behind.
Read MoreI couldn’t help myself as I was placing her in her new vessel, I lightly brushed my fingers against her roots. Then I made the next move and intertwined my fingers a bit with her. I smiled as I already felt our bond growing. For a second I thought that I could feel her move a bit, was it a sigh of relief on her end? Were her roots tightening around my fingers? My reasoning told me that this wasn’t possible, and yet…
Read MoreI, meanwhile, do not have to go on a date during times of multiple Covid variants because I have commenced a torrid love affair with Roger, the peperomia argyreia plant sitting in my office. We’ve known each other for only a few months as he was an impulse buy off one of those Instagram ads, but I really feel that we have a connection like I’ve never had with anyone, or anything else.
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